I am not judging you

Why I am not judging you, and we should all stop judging each other.

You’ll be judged an awful lot as a parent.

You’ll be judged by other parents, by strangers who’ve never had children, and by your own family. A lot of what’s wrong with how my culture deals with childrearing is that we are so quick to judge. I firmly believe we should cut it out, and start empowering and supporting each other. Babies are humans, individual as the grownup ones, and their parents are the ones best placed to know what works for them.

To address a couple of specific things on this site:

I think slings are much easier than buggies, and my particular brand of parenting. But I couldn’t give a monkey’s whether you use one – unless it’s causing you problems, in which case I’m here to offer an alternative

I do advocate using cloth nappies, and am happy to offer guidance to anyone on how to use them, but I’m not going to judge you for a second if you don’t. There’s other stuff I do that has a bad environmental impact; you have to pick your battles.

I recommend co-sleeping because oh my GERONIMO it’s so much easier. If someone’s having problems, and solicits my opinion, I’d suggest it. But I don’t care what choice you’ve made, only that you’re supported to make the right choice for you and your child.

I’m trying to lay out a way of approaching parenting that works for me, in the hope it might help others. But I won’t judge you for choosing a different approach. I won’t judge you for aspiring to this kind of approach and feeling like you’ve failed, either – for there I would only be judging myself.

Surely you must judge someone?

Yes – I don’t like it when people hold a cigarette over their pram.

Otherwise, no. There are situations in which children are being mistreated – whether they’re a parent with addiction issues chronically neglecting their child, whose child needs to be looked after on a long term basis, or me at my wits’ end starting to lose my temper with my baby, when my wife will come in and send me out of the room. The problem in these situations is that the parent has been trying their best and has been dealt a curveball which they can’t deal with. The solution is not to judge and vilify, it’s to offer compassion and support.

So do I judge you for doing your best for your child? No. Never. Not even a bit.

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